Leading Through Loss: What Five Leaders Taught Me About Caring for Ourselves While Caring for Others

Over the past several months, several of us at Bryant Group have had the honor of sitting with five extraordinary leaders, people who shoulder the hopes, fears and expectations of large institutions and who continue to show up with heart, humor and humanity despite the pressures around them.

These conversations were unlike anything I originally expected.
They were more vulnerable.
More honest.

And they each shared something we don’t talk about enough:

Leadership today is defined just as much by the losses leaders carry as by the strategies they execute.

Not only the obvious losses, team turnover, staffing reductions, shifting institutional priorities, but the quieter ones:

Loss of emotional bandwidth.
Loss of predictability.
Loss of stability.
Loss of feeling like ourselves in the midst of responsibility—not just professional disruptions, but deeply personal ones.

Again and again, I heard a version of the same truth:

We cannot keep leading others through loss if we are losing ourselves in the process.

This realization became the foundation of our newest white paper,
Leading Through Loss: The Oxygen Mask Principle for Executive Leadership

The Hidden Story Beneath Leadership Titles

As we talked, each leader shared something deeply personal about their journey.

One realized she had been holding her breath—literally—through months of nonstop crisis response.

Another told me that when her creativity disappears, she knows her spirit is nearing empty.

One described noticing a sharpness in her tone, a small change that signaled she was drifting away from the leader she strives to be.

Another bravely recounted a moment of national heartbreak that cracked him open—leaving him unable to perform “leadership” the way he thought he was “supposed to” and instead inviting him to lead with honesty and humanity.

These moments weren’t dramatic breakdowns.
They were whispers.
Signals.
Quiet truths offering a chance to slow down before something truly breaks.

What struck me most is this:
Every single leader had a story like this.

Why the Oxygen Mask Principle Matters More Now Than Ever

The familiar instruction, “Put on your own oxygen mask first,” is so simple it almost feels cliché. But it became clear during these conversations that it’s not cliché at all.

It’s survival.
It’s clarity.
It’s leadership infrastructure.

When leaders have oxygen, they make better decisions.
When leaders have oxygen, they stay compassionate.
When leaders have oxygen, they stabilize teams and communities.

When they don’t?
They erode quietly, long before anyone can see it.

What Real, Sustainable Self-Care Looks Like for Leaders

What I appreciate about these leaders is that none of them spoke about self-care in grand gestures. Their practices were small, human and integrated into their daily lives:

• A morning rhythm that sets the tone for the day
• A few minutes of reflection before major decisions
• Laughter used intentionally as a reset
• Walking, movement or Pilates to reconnect body and mind
• Honest communication with their teams when things feel heavy
• Trusted colleagues and family members who serve as emotional anchors

Each leader had a different way of protecting their oxygen, but the intention was the same:

Stay human in a role that often demands superhuman endurance.

What I Hope This White Paper Offers

Writing this white paper was not just an intellectual exercise. It was a reminder of why I do this work and why Bryant Group exists.

We believe deeply in the leaders who serve our institutions.
We believe in their impact.
We believe in their heart.
And we believe they deserve spaces where their experiences can be acknowledged, explored and strengthened.

My hope is that this paper gives leaders permission to pause, breathe and reflect.

To recognize the signs of depletion sooner.
To embrace vulnerability as wisdom, not weakness.
To see replenishment as leadership, not luxury.
And to remember that caring for oneself is not an act of selfishness—it is an act of service. An act of leadership.

The Full White Paper Will Be Available Soon

Leading Through Loss: The Oxygen Mask Principle for Executive Leadership includes the voices and stories of:

• Nancy Bussani, Executive Vice President & Chief Philanthropy Officer, CommonSpirit Health; President, CommonSpirit Health Foundation

• Brigitte Grant, Vice Chancellor for Advancement, University of Tennessee Health Science Center & UT Foundation

• Tim McMahon, Vice President for University Advancement, Marquette University

• Rhea Turteltaub, Vice Chancellor, External Affairs, UCLA

• Dale Wright, Interim Vice Chancellor for Advancement Designate, Interim Senior Vice President of the University of Illinois Foundation Designate, Associate Vice Chancellor for Advancement, University of Illinois Foundation

Their insights are profound, hopeful and deeply human.

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